I think the only reason I haven’t won the lottery yet is because God likes to play jokes on people who win and see what happens to them afterward. It’s like having an Ecclesiastical Fish Tank, only with humans as His little minion fish.
I knew only of 1 person that won the lottery. Well, I didn’t actually “know” him, he worked for the same company I did. He was a nice guy but his marriage was going sour for quite a while. From all the water cooler gossip, she was messing around on him with more than one person. It went on for too long (according to his workmates with their good advice) so that finally the words stuck and they separated. Like most passive men, he let her take whatever she wanted, which pretty much was everything they had and then he drug his feet in following up on the due process necessities. I think you know where this is going. After about 5 or 6 months of their separation he finally decided to get papers drawn up. Before she was ever served he won the lottery. Not much, I think it was around 5 or 6 million. Pretty aggravating isn’t it? We all actually felt sorry for a real lottery winner.
I think it would be difficult to really win the lottery. All of a sudden EVERYONE is your friend or plaintiff. You know all the needs of your entire family and every time you speak to them on the phone you notice a sort of whine in their voices. You realize after your 50th promise to be of help that you will actually have nothing left for yourself to enjoy. OR. You quickly go out and buy your dream: car; house; yacht; vacation; etc. and EVERYONE is giving you the cold shoulder at holiday gatherings. In YOUR home.
Then you have EVERY financial advisor, media person, magazine offer, starving screen writer, priest, minister and rabbi in your front lawn (if you even have a lawn). You have to change the phone number you’ve had for XX years then have to decide who NOT to call with your new private number. Your family members begin to talk about you behind your back in ways you never could imagine and you realize you totally forgot to feed the salt water fish in your aquarium for 3 weeks.
Seems like the only people who are glad to see you work on commission. Since you’ve quit your day job, you’ve never been so busy fending off beggars, liars, cheats. You might as well go back to work in divorce court. Then the IRS pays a visit. It gets uglier. Insurance salesmen have located you.
You haven’t had a good nights sleep since you told off that idiot co-worker you had to deal with all day in the cubicle next to yours. You remember the incident fondly. Your nerves are shot with all the decisions you have to make on where to put all this money since the banks are insured only to certain amounts and depending on how much you win you may end up with more banks than you know exist and don’t know how to keep track of.
The mail man refuses to deliver to your home anymore since he had to file that workman’s comp claim for his bad back in delivering the heavy volumes of mail you are getting at ever increasing loads. You now have to go to the Post Office and get it yourself with your new pickup. Everyone in the local Post Office knows who drives that shiny new Hemi pickup and they don’t like you because one of their buddy’s is now on paid leave and they have to pick up his slack and drive home in their aging Plymouth Valiant’s and Buick Le Sabre’s with the vinyl roof that’s peeling off. Your mail is a BIG part of the slack they have to heave around. You invest, wisely, in a bulletproof vest. You can’t manage to get through all your mail to find your real bills and are now getting collection calls of all things. Ironically, it’s affecting your credit negatively.
Your financial advisor calls for a meeting and you have no idea what he’s saying because you’ve never gone financially further than using your ATM card. You’re beginning to wonder why he wears multiple gold chains, pinky rings, has a chauffeur and calls you Holms.
After winning $6 Million the Feds take 33% and the State takes another 15%. You pay off you’re accumulated debt of say $17,000 (very modest figure in today’s world) which leaves you with $3,400,000. You’re approximately 34 years old which means you have about $100,000 a year to spend. You’re average small size Apartment in CA runs you $1,300 a month rent which leaves you with $84,400 for the basics like food, utilities, dining out, clothing, medical, dental (since you quit work you have no more medical insurance) auto insurance, The new Hemi truck with all the bells and whistles cost you about $35,000. When you MODESTLY calculate all the above monthly costs, your annual spendable is $52,000 which brings you in the red by $2,600. Naturally, anyone who wins the lottery thinks they are rich beyond belief so the Modest figures aren’t really going to be the reality which will bring your annual yearly spendable to roughly around 30 years. Which means that you will be out of a job and out of money by 64.
Oh, but wait. We didn’t think to help out the family and friends in dire need yet. Uh oh. You want to help your mom/dad by getting them a new car that you don’t have to help jump starting their junker every other day. So modestly, there’s another $25,000. Your sister is working full time and going to school so you pay for her apartment which runs $850 a month till she’s done with school in 3 years. That’s $30,600. You’re best friend had no medical insurance and totaled his car spending 3 weeks in the hospital. You help him to the tune of $50,000, after all, he is your BEST friend. That’s $5,600 more than one year of income so looks like your down to 62.5 years.
Your financial advisor, tax man and PR person aren’t cheap either. We better bring you down to 55 years over the life of the general work provided. At that point you won’t be eligible for retirement and you really wouldn’t have worked all those years so forget unemployment or disability. If you thought to invest in an IRA you may have some spare change to get you though in a retirement home.
If you thought to invest in some real estate you never counted on property tax, repairs, maintenance, and improvements costs over the years. You’re down to 45 years old. The first 2 years after winning the lottery has made you a bit of a drunk if not a full blown dope fiend. We’re at 37 years old after we count up the cost of the hanger’s oner’s and sucking up their tabs. So basically, you win 6 Million dollars at 34 which lasts 3 years then you’re out of a job, broke, going through rehab and have no friends. Don’t waste your time on lottery tickets. Send your 3 or 4 dollars to me. I’ll make something out of it!Technorati Tags: win lottery money bling spend debt broke rehab